We go back home tomorrow from this time of refreshing in Queensland. The last week has been difficult as we dedicated our time to growing closer to God and dealing with the loss of Talia. Without the distractions of home and work, it has allowed us to reflect on the times with Talia and our future.
What I can say is that we are regaining hope in so many ways. We expected to spend a week entirely by ourselves here in contemplation, but along with that God had other plans. Meeting Mandy and her husband Michael (who own the Eden on the Bay holiday apartments) has been a great blessing. They have been a wonderful encouragement and the pastors from their local Church also spoke powerfully into our lives.
Michael shared with me that God woke him at 3am the other night with a message for us, related to Jan's love for Guide Dog puppies (we raised 3 puppies over the last few years for the Guide Dogs). He felt that God was saying that as we raised puppies which belonged to the Guide Dogs Association, it was their right to determine when the puppy was ready to go back, at which point we had to let go and trust them to look after the dog appropriately. In the same way, God had given us Talia for a period of time, and we needed to trust that God knew the time for us to let go of Talia, since she truly belonged to God and not to us.
Talia has indeed changed our lives and both Jan and I have committed to living a life focused on eternity, to allow God to make us into people He can use to change lives and bring others closer to Him. We have decided to give up the stress and worry about a future family, finances and business opportunities and to simply focus our lives on knowing God, hearing from Him and stepping out in faith in everything we do.
No doubt we will find this a great challenge, since I have been very good at holding onto worry and trying to plan every area of our lives (with the associated stress which comes when things do NOT go to plan!). For me, this means letting go and trusting our Creator will bring us all we need to fulfil the plan He has for our lives. We are believing God for a family, as well as the most amazing business opportunities and relationships. It is time for us to live the life God intended for us and experience the true joy which is independent of our circumstances.
We will live the remainder of our lives pursuing His plan, as we look toward eternity with Talia.
Tuesday, October 13
Monday, October 12
Faith from our Community - Thank you!
As Jan and I spend time reflecting here in Queensland, we are seeking to understand the meaning of faith and how it should apply to every area of our lives. We have so many questions about the loss of Talia, especially whether we had enough faith for her healing and whether we could have done anything differently.
We can never understand why God chose not to heal Talia, but we do know that the only life God wants us to live is a life of faith. We know that faith pleases God (Romans 1:17 "The righteous man shall live by faith") and as we consider what this life looks like, God has shown me something interesting about the concept of "abundance".
I had previously understood abundance to mean that we have an excess of those things we need, including finances and other resources. 2 Corinthians 9:8 says "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.". When you look at the life of Jesus, He never had substantial finances, but always had more than enough. In fact, when Jesus had to pay taxes, He simply applied faith and asked Peter to collect it from the mouth of a fish (Matt 17: 24-27). This is the lifestyle which I am seeking - to see God's miraculous provision in every instance, providing the resources to fulfil the vision by faith which He has planted in my heart.
One of the keys which was missing from Jan and my lives was an understanding of both faith and provision being shared by our Christian family/community. We have been astounded as God has spoken to people and called them to share in our faith journey and this has had great impact on us personally as we have learned to open our lives to others, in recognition of the fact that we are part of the Body of Christ:
The song we included in the Photo Tribute to Talia was called "I was Carried" and to us this reflects the fact that not only is God carrying us through this experience from a spiritual perspective, but our Christian family has carried us from an emotional and physical perspective.
We want to say Thank You from deep in our hearts to all of you who have given of yourselves to step into our lives and care for us. So many people provided beautiful messages and words from God about Talia and her impact, as well as providing food and assistance during recent days. We were so touched that many people were compelled to participate in the services for Talia and so many people attended to share in our sorrow. We are currently blessed to be able to spend time in beautiful Harvey Bay, Queensland thanks to an old friend from our university days. Many of you encouraged us not to give up in our relationship with God and pursue the purpose of our experience and the impact it will have on our future.
Our lives have been profoundly changed in so many ways, but one of these is to understand what it means to be part of the Body of Christ functioning exactly as Jesus intended it to be. We still grieve for our baby and long for God to give us a family, but we know that the journey ahead is not one we will need to take alone!
Thanks be to God for each one of you...
We can never understand why God chose not to heal Talia, but we do know that the only life God wants us to live is a life of faith. We know that faith pleases God (Romans 1:17 "The righteous man shall live by faith") and as we consider what this life looks like, God has shown me something interesting about the concept of "abundance".
I had previously understood abundance to mean that we have an excess of those things we need, including finances and other resources. 2 Corinthians 9:8 says "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.". When you look at the life of Jesus, He never had substantial finances, but always had more than enough. In fact, when Jesus had to pay taxes, He simply applied faith and asked Peter to collect it from the mouth of a fish (Matt 17: 24-27). This is the lifestyle which I am seeking - to see God's miraculous provision in every instance, providing the resources to fulfil the vision by faith which He has planted in my heart.
One of the keys which was missing from Jan and my lives was an understanding of both faith and provision being shared by our Christian family/community. We have been astounded as God has spoken to people and called them to share in our faith journey and this has had great impact on us personally as we have learned to open our lives to others, in recognition of the fact that we are part of the Body of Christ:
From whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by that which every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.Not only have we experienced the burden of faith being shared with our Christian family, we have now experienced our physical and emotional needs being met through family and friends being led by the Holy Spirit to play a part during such a difficult time in our lives.
- Ephesians 4:16
The song we included in the Photo Tribute to Talia was called "I was Carried" and to us this reflects the fact that not only is God carrying us through this experience from a spiritual perspective, but our Christian family has carried us from an emotional and physical perspective.
We want to say Thank You from deep in our hearts to all of you who have given of yourselves to step into our lives and care for us. So many people provided beautiful messages and words from God about Talia and her impact, as well as providing food and assistance during recent days. We were so touched that many people were compelled to participate in the services for Talia and so many people attended to share in our sorrow. We are currently blessed to be able to spend time in beautiful Harvey Bay, Queensland thanks to an old friend from our university days. Many of you encouraged us not to give up in our relationship with God and pursue the purpose of our experience and the impact it will have on our future.
Our lives have been profoundly changed in so many ways, but one of these is to understand what it means to be part of the Body of Christ functioning exactly as Jesus intended it to be. We still grieve for our baby and long for God to give us a family, but we know that the journey ahead is not one we will need to take alone!
Thanks be to God for each one of you...
Saturday, October 10
Talia Thanksgiving Service Video
We have now posted Talia's Thanksgiving Video, which is in 9 parts (due to Youtube limitations of 10 min each). When the first part finishes, you can click underneath for the next part (they are not in order for some reason) and so on. The entire video is around 1 hour, 20 minutes.
We will be updating these in a few days to a higher quality video, but we are restricted currently (being away from home) to uploading smaller versions. Please let us know if you would like a DVD version of this service.
Talia Thanksgiving Service Video (Part 1 - click on other parts when viewed).
We will be updating these in a few days to a higher quality video, but we are restricted currently (being away from home) to uploading smaller versions. Please let us know if you would like a DVD version of this service.
Talia Thanksgiving Service Video (Part 1 - click on other parts when viewed).
Friday, October 9
Tributes to Talia
Before we put up the video of Talia's Thanksgiving Service, I wanted to get permission to post the various tributes which people had shared during the service, as these mean a great deal to us:
Pat Murray (dear friend who has shared this journey with us from the beginning)
I have journeyed with Talia and her parents. Throughout I have seen the challenging and fearful times.
Together with increasing strength and courage to make commitments, stand firm with beliefs, seek for more of God and a not-give-up approach of her parents.
I saw this beautiful baby being given so much love by her parents, her relatives and friends. I saw the way she would look at her mum; such eye contact and the way she would snuggle in when there were cuddle times. I saw the joy she brought all who were privileged to spend time with her.
I saw the staff of the Mercy and the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit so gentle, so caring and loving towards her. I felt the pain as her parents anticipated her birth, together with their strong faith in the midst of great unknowns that their God would be with them. I felt their overwhelming joy following Talia’s birth. I felt the joy and sense of closeness that flowed from the extended family.
I was privileged to walk through some of the challenges that Jeremy and Jan had. This involved, with Sallie Volk, a trip to the US with them and tied together questioning, talking and just supporting them as they were challenged to hold onto their faith and to give all their love to this precious button-nosed jewel.
I walked through the incredibly hard times following Talia’s death when the pain seems unbearable and unending and grief is unexplainable and the questions often unanswerable. I sat with them during the time of going through the frustrating practicalities which have to be talked about and decided.
Through all of this I saw how great an impact Talia’s short life had.
Talia – what a privilege to meet you, touch you, hold you. What a joy to love you. What sorrow to say goodbye. I am so thankful for your life.
-Pat Murray
Ron and Jan Ellis (Jeremy's parents - Talia's Nana and Pa)
We were there! At the Mercy Hospital on Monday, September 7th at 1.29 p.m. What a privilege it was when your Daddy came to tell us that you had arrived. A beautiful daughter for our precious Jeremy & Jan, and a long awaited new grandchild for us.
Our love for you had blossomed from the moment we knew that God was ‘ knitting you together’ in your mother’s womb.
Each day we prayed for every little part of you – your eyes, your ears, your sweet little nose and your tiny rosebud lips; your arms and legs, fingers and toes.
Nanny had such pleasure with her knitting needles, and finding the perfect patterns for the tiniest garments.
When you arrived you were perfect and our hearts were brimming with love and thanksgiving for a beautiful little miracle grand-daughter and for the incredible joy you brought to our Son & Daughter-in-law
As we were privileged to hold you and softly caress you, we were not to know God’s plan for your little life; but we do know that His will is perfect.
19 days here on this earth - eternity with Jesus!
“Jesus loves you this we know, For the Bible tells us so. Little ones to Him belong,”
……Yes Jesus loves you
And now holds you in His arms.
With all our love,
- Nanny & Pa
Ross and Joan Macmillan (Jan's parents - Talia's Poppa and Grandma)
On one of the cards which Jan and Jeremy received, which was beautifully handmade, Talia's name was written down one side and the letters
T , A , L, I, A, began the words 'Treasured and Loved in Abundance'.
'Treasured and Loved in Abundance'
I think these words express the love we all felt, still feel and will always feel for little Talia. We have the assurance that she is now with Jesus and surrounded by love that our finite minds cannot even begin to comprehend.
Jan and Jeremy, through sharing their journey, have enabled God, through Talia, to touch so many lives - new friends have been made, old friendships renewed and existing friendships strengthened.
So much has happened through this tiny baby whom we were privileged to have with us for just l9 days. Talia will always be our loved and cherished little granddaughter and one day we will see her again in heaven and praise God together.
-Joan Macmillan
Friends, it is at times like this that the Psalmist, composers, musicians or song and hymn writers speak to us and for us in words that we need to hear or want to say. None more so than the words of this poem which you will know because of its association with that lovely Scandinavian tune 'Finlandia'
'Be still my soul . . .'
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side;
bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to your God to order and provide;
in every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; the tempest still obey his voice
who ruled them once on Galilee.
Be still, my soul; your God doth undertake;
to guide the future, as he has the past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake;
all now mysterious shall be clear at last.
Be still, my soul; for Jesus can repay
from his own fullness all he takes away.
Be still, my soul; when dearest ones depart,
and all is darkened in the vale of tears,
then shall you better know his love, his heart,
who comes to soothe your sorrow and your fears.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
-Ross Macmillan
Alison and Paul Riggs (Jan's sister and brother in-law - Talia's Aunty and Uncle)
Paul and I would like to share with you and Talia, how she has impacted lives.
Dear Talia, when your Mummy & Daddy shared that they were expecting you, we were thrilled that we would soon be welcoming a new niece and cousin into our family. While we were very upset to hear that you may not be well, we were truly inspired by their steadfast faith in praying for healing.
The Monday you safely arrived was wonderful, as was the joy that you brought to your Mum and Dad, our family and so many friends. You immediately became (and still are) an amazing blessing to our own family, particularly having a special impact on your 2-year-old, cousin Bethany.
Over the coming days we were so proud to tell your cousins about your progress, show them your photos and your Daddy’s amazing blog, as they were unable to see you in person. After many requests, we decided to sneak Bethany into the ICU. This was such a joy as she saw you opening your eyes and also lying peacefully in your Mummy’s arms. We were to hear many comments from Bethany over the next two weeks such as: “She is so cute, I want her to come to play at my house” She found a little hair clip, which she wanted to put in your hair.
It was wonderful to have you part of our family so we were all heartbroken last Friday; but needed to remind ourselves that God was now looking after you for us.
And to your Mummy and Daddy whom we also love dearly: it’s difficult to express the grief we feel. We are so proud of you and are inspired by your faith and trust in God. We have been incredibly blessed by the time we spent with you and Talia and we are changed forever. Amazingly through our tears, we have come to realise that Talia & the love surrounding her has profoundly touched us and shown us a most beautiful rainbow within the "Rain Of Heaven (God)”
Our prayers, love and support will always be with you.
-Alison Riggs
From the moment you were born I felt a very strong bond and desire to see you and your mummy and daddy everyday.
I’ve experienced an overwhelming love towards you all, which I can’t explain.
I was so upset the one day that I was ill and couldn’t come in to see you.
We’ve met some beautiful loving friends of yours through this journey and plan to build further on these relationships.
You’ve also amazingly led us here to your church which I can now proudly call home for my family.
Your love has swept me into a world that only God can create and I am so proud to be your Uncle.
Jan and Jeremy, this has been such a blessed experience mixed up with every emotion that God has given us and I want you to know that we will continue to be with you every single step of the way.
Our deepest love forever.
-Paul Riggs
Catherine Warren (dear friend and woman of faith who has supported us greatly)
I wanted to share my memory, a very precious memory I have of Talia. If you know me, you know that I fall into the category of loud. I don’t have many volume knobs and though the NICU at the Mercy Hospital is a very hushed and quiet and tranquil environment for many good reasons; even in there I struggled. But I would come in there and I would open the door to Talia’s little humidicrib and I’d say “HI TALIA, IT'S CATHERINE!” And unless she was fully asleep, one eye would open, maybe the other and she would look at me at first as if to say “Who’s that?”. And then she got to know me and she would open an eye or two eyes and look at me with familiarity and I knew she knew me and I could see recognition in her eyes. And she had the capacity to love and I saw her love me and I saw her love her parents. She was the most content when she was in Jan’s arms. No matter how many wires or cords were there she would somehow snuggle in and they would leave her for hours because she was just so content. We loved her but she loved us too. Thankyou Talia.
-Catherine Warren
Jeremy and Jan Ellis (Talia's parents)
No longer am I afraid of weeping since I know God is there in the midst of the pain.
The last year or more has been filled with tears for us as we discovered that the little baby we sought for more than 5 years, would have a fatal condition and would be unlikely to even be born. Being asked to decide whether she was to die or have a chance to live was an easy decision for us, but not without its own agony.
As we began that journey, I saw my wife become the bravest person I have met as she nurtured and loved a little baby which had little chance of surviving in the natural – this was agony as every movement she felt for 9 months may have been the last. Together we deliberately began to understand God’s will in our situation and His intention for healing. We knew God could heal, but we had to understand if this included us.
We learned that even though He didn’t give us a specific word for our baby, God’s heart is for healing, restoration and completeness – this is the way He created all of us, including little Talia. Knowing God’s heart is for healing, we travelled to see revival and experience God’s unrestrained power – and we saw Him move to heal many people. We met them and heard their incredible stories.
Yet here we stand, grieving our little girl – and God didn’t heal her here on earth.
We don’t pretend to understand why this is the case, but Talia began a journey for her parents which has profoundly changed both of our lives as we sought to know more about the One who brought everything into being. We learned so much about God’s heart over this time and we are more committed than before to allow God to work through our lives and save, deliver and even to heal those around us who are broken. Keep reading our blog, since this is just the beginning of this journey for us.
Talia, you unlocked something in your mum and dad which can never again be locked away again. We were parents and we always will be your parents, because you are eternal just as we are. I will never forget the joy of holding you and loving you with a love that I had never known before. You were the most beautiful thing we have ever seen and looking into your eyes was something we wanted to do forever.
Your mum couldn’t bear to let go of your little body and yet we know you are waiting for us, longing as we are, for us to be together in eternity with Jesus. We struggled so much to let go, but we have given you back to Him to be held in the arms which also hold your mum and dad – the same arms which will use our lives to glorify Him, somehow, in the days to come.
-Jeremy & Jan Ellis
Pat Murray (dear friend who has shared this journey with us from the beginning)
I have journeyed with Talia and her parents. Throughout I have seen the challenging and fearful times.
Together with increasing strength and courage to make commitments, stand firm with beliefs, seek for more of God and a not-give-up approach of her parents.
I saw this beautiful baby being given so much love by her parents, her relatives and friends. I saw the way she would look at her mum; such eye contact and the way she would snuggle in when there were cuddle times. I saw the joy she brought all who were privileged to spend time with her.
I saw the staff of the Mercy and the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit so gentle, so caring and loving towards her. I felt the pain as her parents anticipated her birth, together with their strong faith in the midst of great unknowns that their God would be with them. I felt their overwhelming joy following Talia’s birth. I felt the joy and sense of closeness that flowed from the extended family.
I was privileged to walk through some of the challenges that Jeremy and Jan had. This involved, with Sallie Volk, a trip to the US with them and tied together questioning, talking and just supporting them as they were challenged to hold onto their faith and to give all their love to this precious button-nosed jewel.
I walked through the incredibly hard times following Talia’s death when the pain seems unbearable and unending and grief is unexplainable and the questions often unanswerable. I sat with them during the time of going through the frustrating practicalities which have to be talked about and decided.
Through all of this I saw how great an impact Talia’s short life had.
Talia – what a privilege to meet you, touch you, hold you. What a joy to love you. What sorrow to say goodbye. I am so thankful for your life.
-Pat Murray
Ron and Jan Ellis (Jeremy's parents - Talia's Nana and Pa)
We were there! At the Mercy Hospital on Monday, September 7th at 1.29 p.m. What a privilege it was when your Daddy came to tell us that you had arrived. A beautiful daughter for our precious Jeremy & Jan, and a long awaited new grandchild for us.
Our love for you had blossomed from the moment we knew that God was ‘ knitting you together’ in your mother’s womb.
Each day we prayed for every little part of you – your eyes, your ears, your sweet little nose and your tiny rosebud lips; your arms and legs, fingers and toes.
Nanny had such pleasure with her knitting needles, and finding the perfect patterns for the tiniest garments.
When you arrived you were perfect and our hearts were brimming with love and thanksgiving for a beautiful little miracle grand-daughter and for the incredible joy you brought to our Son & Daughter-in-law
As we were privileged to hold you and softly caress you, we were not to know God’s plan for your little life; but we do know that His will is perfect.
19 days here on this earth - eternity with Jesus!
“Jesus loves you this we know, For the Bible tells us so. Little ones to Him belong,”
……Yes Jesus loves you
And now holds you in His arms.
With all our love,
- Nanny & Pa
Ross and Joan Macmillan (Jan's parents - Talia's Poppa and Grandma)
On one of the cards which Jan and Jeremy received, which was beautifully handmade, Talia's name was written down one side and the letters
T , A , L, I, A, began the words 'Treasured and Loved in Abundance'.
'Treasured and Loved in Abundance'
I think these words express the love we all felt, still feel and will always feel for little Talia. We have the assurance that she is now with Jesus and surrounded by love that our finite minds cannot even begin to comprehend.
Jan and Jeremy, through sharing their journey, have enabled God, through Talia, to touch so many lives - new friends have been made, old friendships renewed and existing friendships strengthened.
So much has happened through this tiny baby whom we were privileged to have with us for just l9 days. Talia will always be our loved and cherished little granddaughter and one day we will see her again in heaven and praise God together.
-Joan Macmillan
Friends, it is at times like this that the Psalmist, composers, musicians or song and hymn writers speak to us and for us in words that we need to hear or want to say. None more so than the words of this poem which you will know because of its association with that lovely Scandinavian tune 'Finlandia'
'Be still my soul . . .'
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side;
bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to your God to order and provide;
in every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; the tempest still obey his voice
who ruled them once on Galilee.
Be still, my soul; your God doth undertake;
to guide the future, as he has the past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake;
all now mysterious shall be clear at last.
Be still, my soul; for Jesus can repay
from his own fullness all he takes away.
Be still, my soul; when dearest ones depart,
and all is darkened in the vale of tears,
then shall you better know his love, his heart,
who comes to soothe your sorrow and your fears.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
-Ross Macmillan
Alison and Paul Riggs (Jan's sister and brother in-law - Talia's Aunty and Uncle)
Paul and I would like to share with you and Talia, how she has impacted lives.
Dear Talia, when your Mummy & Daddy shared that they were expecting you, we were thrilled that we would soon be welcoming a new niece and cousin into our family. While we were very upset to hear that you may not be well, we were truly inspired by their steadfast faith in praying for healing.
The Monday you safely arrived was wonderful, as was the joy that you brought to your Mum and Dad, our family and so many friends. You immediately became (and still are) an amazing blessing to our own family, particularly having a special impact on your 2-year-old, cousin Bethany.
Over the coming days we were so proud to tell your cousins about your progress, show them your photos and your Daddy’s amazing blog, as they were unable to see you in person. After many requests, we decided to sneak Bethany into the ICU. This was such a joy as she saw you opening your eyes and also lying peacefully in your Mummy’s arms. We were to hear many comments from Bethany over the next two weeks such as: “She is so cute, I want her to come to play at my house” She found a little hair clip, which she wanted to put in your hair.
It was wonderful to have you part of our family so we were all heartbroken last Friday; but needed to remind ourselves that God was now looking after you for us.
And to your Mummy and Daddy whom we also love dearly: it’s difficult to express the grief we feel. We are so proud of you and are inspired by your faith and trust in God. We have been incredibly blessed by the time we spent with you and Talia and we are changed forever. Amazingly through our tears, we have come to realise that Talia & the love surrounding her has profoundly touched us and shown us a most beautiful rainbow within the "Rain Of Heaven (God)”
Our prayers, love and support will always be with you.
-Alison Riggs
From the moment you were born I felt a very strong bond and desire to see you and your mummy and daddy everyday.
I’ve experienced an overwhelming love towards you all, which I can’t explain.
I was so upset the one day that I was ill and couldn’t come in to see you.
We’ve met some beautiful loving friends of yours through this journey and plan to build further on these relationships.
You’ve also amazingly led us here to your church which I can now proudly call home for my family.
Your love has swept me into a world that only God can create and I am so proud to be your Uncle.
Jan and Jeremy, this has been such a blessed experience mixed up with every emotion that God has given us and I want you to know that we will continue to be with you every single step of the way.
Our deepest love forever.
-Paul Riggs
Catherine Warren (dear friend and woman of faith who has supported us greatly)
I wanted to share my memory, a very precious memory I have of Talia. If you know me, you know that I fall into the category of loud. I don’t have many volume knobs and though the NICU at the Mercy Hospital is a very hushed and quiet and tranquil environment for many good reasons; even in there I struggled. But I would come in there and I would open the door to Talia’s little humidicrib and I’d say “HI TALIA, IT'S CATHERINE!” And unless she was fully asleep, one eye would open, maybe the other and she would look at me at first as if to say “Who’s that?”. And then she got to know me and she would open an eye or two eyes and look at me with familiarity and I knew she knew me and I could see recognition in her eyes. And she had the capacity to love and I saw her love me and I saw her love her parents. She was the most content when she was in Jan’s arms. No matter how many wires or cords were there she would somehow snuggle in and they would leave her for hours because she was just so content. We loved her but she loved us too. Thankyou Talia.
-Catherine Warren
Jeremy and Jan Ellis (Talia's parents)
No longer am I afraid of weeping since I know God is there in the midst of the pain.
The last year or more has been filled with tears for us as we discovered that the little baby we sought for more than 5 years, would have a fatal condition and would be unlikely to even be born. Being asked to decide whether she was to die or have a chance to live was an easy decision for us, but not without its own agony.
As we began that journey, I saw my wife become the bravest person I have met as she nurtured and loved a little baby which had little chance of surviving in the natural – this was agony as every movement she felt for 9 months may have been the last. Together we deliberately began to understand God’s will in our situation and His intention for healing. We knew God could heal, but we had to understand if this included us.
We learned that even though He didn’t give us a specific word for our baby, God’s heart is for healing, restoration and completeness – this is the way He created all of us, including little Talia. Knowing God’s heart is for healing, we travelled to see revival and experience God’s unrestrained power – and we saw Him move to heal many people. We met them and heard their incredible stories.
Yet here we stand, grieving our little girl – and God didn’t heal her here on earth.
We don’t pretend to understand why this is the case, but Talia began a journey for her parents which has profoundly changed both of our lives as we sought to know more about the One who brought everything into being. We learned so much about God’s heart over this time and we are more committed than before to allow God to work through our lives and save, deliver and even to heal those around us who are broken. Keep reading our blog, since this is just the beginning of this journey for us.
Talia, you unlocked something in your mum and dad which can never again be locked away again. We were parents and we always will be your parents, because you are eternal just as we are. I will never forget the joy of holding you and loving you with a love that I had never known before. You were the most beautiful thing we have ever seen and looking into your eyes was something we wanted to do forever.
Your mum couldn’t bear to let go of your little body and yet we know you are waiting for us, longing as we are, for us to be together in eternity with Jesus. We struggled so much to let go, but we have given you back to Him to be held in the arms which also hold your mum and dad – the same arms which will use our lives to glorify Him, somehow, in the days to come.
-Jeremy & Jan Ellis
Monday, October 5
Talia's Burial Service Video
This is the video of Talia's Burial Service on the 30th September, 2009. More than 50 people attended the beautiful service in which our dear friend Stephen Wyndham shared some meaningful thoughts on how important Talia's life had been and how much she had influence so many people.
We released 19 balloons to recognise each day Talia lived on earth and the fact that her spirit had ascended to be with God and this is where she now resides, as she waits to be reunited with her parents and loved ones.
The video is in two parts (due to Youtube limitations). Apologies for the wind noise, but hopefully you can make out the message with this distraction.
We released 19 balloons to recognise each day Talia lived on earth and the fact that her spirit had ascended to be with God and this is where she now resides, as she waits to be reunited with her parents and loved ones.
The video is in two parts (due to Youtube limitations). Apologies for the wind noise, but hopefully you can make out the message with this distraction.
The Value of Talia's Life
Before posting the videos of Talia's Burial and Thanksgiving Services (tomorrow I hope), it is important to share some thoughts on the immense value of our little Talia's life.
When we learned about Talia having Trisomy 18 early in Jan's pregnancy, we were devastated and faced with a decision no parent should ever have to make - whether to terminate Talia's life or give her a chance to live.
Living upon the foundation of God's Word made this decision easy, although we recognise sometimes such a decision is not so easy for people. We had to give Talia the chance to live, despite knowing the chances were not high that she would survive after birth.
It was such a sad reflection on the medical staff to determine our baby was "incompatible with life" and advise us to terminate her life. One of the primary reasons was supposedly for our benefit, since going ahead would be (and was!) a very difficult thing to undergo for both of us - especially for Jan. There is no doubt that Jan struggled with carrying a baby which may not be born, and may not live for a long time - it was heartbreaking.
However, we did learn to take joy from our baby growing and moving and then experienced the immense joy of becoming parents for the first time. Seeing Talia born (though not easy given the additional complications) was the greatest experience of my life. Spending time learning to love her and caring for her through the challenges was more valuable than anything I have ever done.
I can even say that the experience of her leaving us to be with Jesus has profoundly changed my life for the better, since Jan and I did everything we could possibly do to give Talia the chance for life - not only medically, but also interceding on her behalf for God to heal her body.
During the 19 days Talia lived, she (and those around her) influenced so many lives for the better. The 180 or so people at her Thanksgiving Service were a testimony to the value of her little life, and the stories continue to come to us of how many lives have been changed because Talia lived on earth.
We have searched the internet and read of so many parents who were told to terminate their babies with genetic issues, as though there were no other options. Almost without exception, these people deeply regret this decision and can never get over the fact they ended the life of their child. Just read their stories!
However, we have seen that those who gave their babies a chance at life (even if their baby was still-born) have no regrets, since they did all they could.
Jan and I will never regret bringing Talia into this world, no matter how brief her life was. We loved unconditionally and were loved in return. We were parents and still are parents - our child is waiting for us to join her in the arms of Jesus.
When we learned about Talia having Trisomy 18 early in Jan's pregnancy, we were devastated and faced with a decision no parent should ever have to make - whether to terminate Talia's life or give her a chance to live.
Living upon the foundation of God's Word made this decision easy, although we recognise sometimes such a decision is not so easy for people. We had to give Talia the chance to live, despite knowing the chances were not high that she would survive after birth.
It was such a sad reflection on the medical staff to determine our baby was "incompatible with life" and advise us to terminate her life. One of the primary reasons was supposedly for our benefit, since going ahead would be (and was!) a very difficult thing to undergo for both of us - especially for Jan. There is no doubt that Jan struggled with carrying a baby which may not be born, and may not live for a long time - it was heartbreaking.
However, we did learn to take joy from our baby growing and moving and then experienced the immense joy of becoming parents for the first time. Seeing Talia born (though not easy given the additional complications) was the greatest experience of my life. Spending time learning to love her and caring for her through the challenges was more valuable than anything I have ever done.
I can even say that the experience of her leaving us to be with Jesus has profoundly changed my life for the better, since Jan and I did everything we could possibly do to give Talia the chance for life - not only medically, but also interceding on her behalf for God to heal her body.
During the 19 days Talia lived, she (and those around her) influenced so many lives for the better. The 180 or so people at her Thanksgiving Service were a testimony to the value of her little life, and the stories continue to come to us of how many lives have been changed because Talia lived on earth.
We have searched the internet and read of so many parents who were told to terminate their babies with genetic issues, as though there were no other options. Almost without exception, these people deeply regret this decision and can never get over the fact they ended the life of their child. Just read their stories!
However, we have seen that those who gave their babies a chance at life (even if their baby was still-born) have no regrets, since they did all they could.
Jan and I will never regret bringing Talia into this world, no matter how brief her life was. We loved unconditionally and were loved in return. We were parents and still are parents - our child is waiting for us to join her in the arms of Jesus.
Friday, October 2
Day 26
I wanted to share just a brief video clip of Jan with Talia, which has helped me to remember how precious she was to us. My biggest fear is to forget our little girl and allow our lives to go back to the way they were, rather than move forward into a closer and deeper relationship with God.
If there is anything to be gained from losing Talia, it is that our lives need to be spent pursuing things of eternal value and thank God that I have so many people to help me hold on to this. Both Jan and I ask the same thing - help us to pursue God and the miraculous demonstration of His love, to have an impact on the world around us.
This is the last video of Talia we have and whilst nothing special to others, it is of immense importance to us.
If there is anything to be gained from losing Talia, it is that our lives need to be spent pursuing things of eternal value and thank God that I have so many people to help me hold on to this. Both Jan and I ask the same thing - help us to pursue God and the miraculous demonstration of His love, to have an impact on the world around us.
This is the last video of Talia we have and whilst nothing special to others, it is of immense importance to us.
Day 25
Jan and I are resting at the moment, and we have been encouraged (strongly) to take some time away together. Working through grief whilst doing things is not a good idea, since we find that we have deep feelings which find their way out at inappropriate times.
I wanted to have some video from the services yesterday available today, but this has not been possible (technical reasons) and hopefully I will make this available in the next couple of days. Whilst going through the video on the camcorder, I came across some video I didn't realise we had of little Talia looking around, yawning and crying. Watching this quickly brought back the reality of how much I miss her and how important those little things were.
It was good to cry again, because I never want to forget my beautiful baby girl. I will certainly put the video of Talia up on the blog also - at least for my own benefit!
If anybody wants a copy of the slideshow (put on the blog a couple of days ago) in DVD format, please let me know. I have heard from the friends at Christian City Church that Roma is pleased for us to use her beautiful song which is a great blessing - thanks Roma!
I wanted to have some video from the services yesterday available today, but this has not been possible (technical reasons) and hopefully I will make this available in the next couple of days. Whilst going through the video on the camcorder, I came across some video I didn't realise we had of little Talia looking around, yawning and crying. Watching this quickly brought back the reality of how much I miss her and how important those little things were.
It was good to cry again, because I never want to forget my beautiful baby girl. I will certainly put the video of Talia up on the blog also - at least for my own benefit!
If anybody wants a copy of the slideshow (put on the blog a couple of days ago) in DVD format, please let me know. I have heard from the friends at Christian City Church that Roma is pleased for us to use her beautiful song which is a great blessing - thanks Roma!
Wednesday, September 30
Day 24 - Burial and Thanksgiving Service
What a day of mixed emotions, with such incredible sadness in saying goodbye physically to our Talia and yet seeing such hope for the future. We have an absolute unmovable knowledge that we will be with Talia once again and we now understand when the Bible talks about "groaning inwardly" (Romans 8:23) for this day to come. We would do anything to hold our baby again!
I will share more about the Thanksgiving Service tomorrow (too exhausted tonight) and will pull out some of the video and post this also for those who were unable to make it. We had around 150-180 people come along to remember Talia, which was a great blessing to us.
We laid Talia in the ground and released 19 balloons to signify each of her days on earth, and the fact that her spirit no longer resides here, but is in heaven with God. The balloons travelled directly over Talia's grandparents and Aunty Alison's (and Paul) house which was another meaningful gesture from the Lord.
This is a lovely place for us to remember our baby and we will not forget her, since she has changed us forever!
I will share more about the Thanksgiving Service tomorrow (too exhausted tonight) and will pull out some of the video and post this also for those who were unable to make it. We had around 150-180 people come along to remember Talia, which was a great blessing to us.
There were around 50-60 at the Burial Service, and it was amazing to see the wind die down and the sun come out just as we started, then as we finished, the clouds and wind came out again - thank you Lord for reminding us of Your Presence.
We laid Talia in the ground and released 19 balloons to signify each of her days on earth, and the fact that her spirit no longer resides here, but is in heaven with God. The balloons travelled directly over Talia's grandparents and Aunty Alison's (and Paul) house which was another meaningful gesture from the Lord.
This is a lovely place for us to remember our baby and we will not forget her, since she has changed us forever!
Tuesday, September 29
Day 23
Not much to say for today. We have been preparing for the burial service and thanksgiving service tomorrow and have been so sad thinking about all the work involved to deal with this loss, instead of being able to celebrate something joyous.
Nevertheless, we will celebrate the short life of our beautiful little girl who touched so many lives, especially her parents. Tomorrow we will bury our baby in a lovely peaceful place and Jan's sister, Alison has planned to send up 19 balloons to celebrate each day of her life.
We have decided to put up the video/photo presentation we will be showing tomorrow at the services, since there are a number of friends and family who cannot be with us at the service. We had originally planned to put this to another song, but Jan didn't feel it fitted at all and the duration of the video didn't match it either. This morning, I had a very strong sense from God (at 6am) to use another song which I knew we had somewhere, but I didn't really know it at all - We dropped it into the video and it fitted to the very second (as you will see). This song from Roma Waterman is called "I was Carried" and we will have to beg permission from Roma to use it, as it captures our journey so very, very well. Please click below to see some of our journey with Talia.
Nevertheless, we will celebrate the short life of our beautiful little girl who touched so many lives, especially her parents. Tomorrow we will bury our baby in a lovely peaceful place and Jan's sister, Alison has planned to send up 19 balloons to celebrate each day of her life.
We have decided to put up the video/photo presentation we will be showing tomorrow at the services, since there are a number of friends and family who cannot be with us at the service. We had originally planned to put this to another song, but Jan didn't feel it fitted at all and the duration of the video didn't match it either. This morning, I had a very strong sense from God (at 6am) to use another song which I knew we had somewhere, but I didn't really know it at all - We dropped it into the video and it fitted to the very second (as you will see). This song from Roma Waterman is called "I was Carried" and we will have to beg permission from Roma to use it, as it captures our journey so very, very well. Please click below to see some of our journey with Talia.
Day 22
Today involved more planning for the funeral and thanksgiving service for Talia. It was a tense day with some struggles as our grief impacted our emotions in unpredictable ways. We are trying to make sure our love overcomes the anger which sometimes comes from nowhere at the moment.
Family and friends are a great help to us, and my team in our business are great - they have refused to let me come back to work and are demanding that Jan and I take some time together on a holiday to work through the grief and also connect more closely with God. I suspect we will go down this path, as we need to work through some things together and understand what God would have us do for our future.
We spent some time at the Arthurs Creek Cemetery today choosing a plot for Talia to rest, and chose a beautiful location with space for Jan and I to join her one day. I believe that we will never actually be laid in this grave, since I am convinced that we are near to the return of Jesus and this generation may well be the one to see Him come in person. It will be glorious to meet with Talia and see Jesus face to face!
It was also time to pack up all the wonderful gifts given to Talia into storage. People have been so kind and thoughtful with so many clothes, blankets and toys. There was a sense of deep sadness as we looked through the few things she actually used (very important to us now) and the special things her two grandmothers knitted especially for her - I remembered the sense of joy they both felt in giving these to us.
We cannot know if God will bless us with another child in the future and so packing up these things is especially sad.
Family and friends are a great help to us, and my team in our business are great - they have refused to let me come back to work and are demanding that Jan and I take some time together on a holiday to work through the grief and also connect more closely with God. I suspect we will go down this path, as we need to work through some things together and understand what God would have us do for our future.
We spent some time at the Arthurs Creek Cemetery today choosing a plot for Talia to rest, and chose a beautiful location with space for Jan and I to join her one day. I believe that we will never actually be laid in this grave, since I am convinced that we are near to the return of Jesus and this generation may well be the one to see Him come in person. It will be glorious to meet with Talia and see Jesus face to face!
It was also time to pack up all the wonderful gifts given to Talia into storage. People have been so kind and thoughtful with so many clothes, blankets and toys. There was a sense of deep sadness as we looked through the few things she actually used (very important to us now) and the special things her two grandmothers knitted especially for her - I remembered the sense of joy they both felt in giving these to us.
We cannot know if God will bless us with another child in the future and so packing up these things is especially sad.
Sunday, September 27
Day 21
Jan and I spent much of the day at Church today. We have made the decision to lay little Talia at the feet of Jesus and surrender her into His care - He knows her so well, since He created her (I believe He made her whole and complete - Trisomy 18 was something which came as a result of a world which has moved away from the Creator).
The service at Yarra Plenty Church was a very powerful one, and our friend Pastor Steve Wyndham shared our grief and sorrow with the congregation who had been praying with us for this miracle - it was a difficult thing to discuss, since none of us has the answers as to why God didn't heal Talia.
The amazing thing was that we were able to find refuge as we worshipped God and thanked Him for the time we had with our little girl. It was powerful to be able to have a place where we could praise God with a broken voice through the tears and not be concerned what people thought of us. This was our family and we weren't the only ones crying.
One of the older saints in the church shared with Steve that during the worship he had a vision of Jesus holding little Talia in His arms and rocking her to the music as we worshipped God. This means so much to us, and we can't wait to be with her again - we know we will be soon enough!
The most powerful and important thing which has comforted us is the fact the we are still Talia's parents and she will always be our little girl. Talia will live eternally (as will we) and hence it means the world to me that I am still a dad and Jan is still a mum.
The two things I would ask that people avoid saying to us are:
- "We were parents for such a short time". Talia will always be our little girl and we are her parent; and
- "Talia is now healed by being taken to heaven". This just isn't the case. Talia is complete and with Jesus, but she wasn't healed - we can live with this, since God is sovereign, but it is important to us to be real in what we say. One day we WILL understand - we just don't at the moment!
The service at Yarra Plenty Church was a very powerful one, and our friend Pastor Steve Wyndham shared our grief and sorrow with the congregation who had been praying with us for this miracle - it was a difficult thing to discuss, since none of us has the answers as to why God didn't heal Talia.
The amazing thing was that we were able to find refuge as we worshipped God and thanked Him for the time we had with our little girl. It was powerful to be able to have a place where we could praise God with a broken voice through the tears and not be concerned what people thought of us. This was our family and we weren't the only ones crying.
One of the older saints in the church shared with Steve that during the worship he had a vision of Jesus holding little Talia in His arms and rocking her to the music as we worshipped God. This means so much to us, and we can't wait to be with her again - we know we will be soon enough!
The most powerful and important thing which has comforted us is the fact the we are still Talia's parents and she will always be our little girl. Talia will live eternally (as will we) and hence it means the world to me that I am still a dad and Jan is still a mum.
The two things I would ask that people avoid saying to us are:
- "We were parents for such a short time". Talia will always be our little girl and we are her parent; and
- "Talia is now healed by being taken to heaven". This just isn't the case. Talia is complete and with Jesus, but she wasn't healed - we can live with this, since God is sovereign, but it is important to us to be real in what we say. One day we WILL understand - we just don't at the moment!
Saturday, September 26
Day 20 - Planning to Remember
We had another difficult and emotional day as we plan to bury our little baby and to celebrate her very brief life on earth. Catherine spent the morning with us, since she had been in the operating theatre yesterday (with the broken finger mentioned previously) and had not said goodbye toTalia.
We held our little girl for the very last time, and gave her into the hands of Jesus as we pictured her with Him, whole and complete and full of joy as she waits for her mum and dad to join her. We so wish that we could be with her and Jesus and leave this pain behind for ever.
The lovely lady from Bethel Funeral Homes was wonderful and loving, helping us to deal with the planning required and the formalities we hoped we would never know about. The hospital was also incredibly caring and kept Talia in the nursery area overnight, as well as giving us all the time we needed to say goodbye.
For those who would like to celebrate Talia's life, we invite you to join us on Wednesday, the 30th September:
If you would like to share any thoughts, to possibly be read at the service, please leave a comment to this post (we have many already).
We held our little girl for the very last time, and gave her into the hands of Jesus as we pictured her with Him, whole and complete and full of joy as she waits for her mum and dad to join her. We so wish that we could be with her and Jesus and leave this pain behind for ever.
The lovely lady from Bethel Funeral Homes was wonderful and loving, helping us to deal with the planning required and the formalities we hoped we would never know about. The hospital was also incredibly caring and kept Talia in the nursery area overnight, as well as giving us all the time we needed to say goodbye.
For those who would like to celebrate Talia's life, we invite you to join us on Wednesday, the 30th September:
- Brief burial service at Arthurs Creek Cemetery at 12.30pm (see http://www.whereis.com/vic/arthurs-creek/cemetery-rd#session=MTA=) which is open to all;
- Celebration of Talia's life at Yarra Plenty Church at 2.30pm (360 Main Rd, Lower Plenty)
- Afternoon Tea afterwards at the Church
If you would like to share any thoughts, to possibly be read at the service, please leave a comment to this post (we have many already).
Friday, September 25
Day 19 - With Jesus
Talia went to be with Jesus this morning at 9.50am after her little heart failed.
She was peaceful throughout the night. At 9.40am she cried briefly and then stopped breathing. The medical staff gave her some oxygen but her heart rate began to slow and then stopped suddenly. The doctors were not able to revive her and she went home to be with God.
This has been the most difficult day we could have imagined and we are still processing everything. Our family and friends have been right beside us as we all wept for most of the day and held little Talia's body, hoping to see her little eyes open once again.
We cannot understand why this has happened and we are simply holding onto God, and choosing to believe that God is the same yesterday, today and forever and He is good, despite the evil and sickness which impacts each of our lives.
Tomorrow we have to make decisions about the funeral and burial, but today we have just one decision to make; Do we choose to surrender the pain, anguish and questions to God and allow Him to build something powerful in our lives? We are trying hard to do this.
But we miss you Talia so very much. We know you now have perfect health and are completely at peace with Jesus, but how can we live without you?
She was peaceful throughout the night. At 9.40am she cried briefly and then stopped breathing. The medical staff gave her some oxygen but her heart rate began to slow and then stopped suddenly. The doctors were not able to revive her and she went home to be with God.
This has been the most difficult day we could have imagined and we are still processing everything. Our family and friends have been right beside us as we all wept for most of the day and held little Talia's body, hoping to see her little eyes open once again.
We cannot understand why this has happened and we are simply holding onto God, and choosing to believe that God is the same yesterday, today and forever and He is good, despite the evil and sickness which impacts each of our lives.
Tomorrow we have to make decisions about the funeral and burial, but today we have just one decision to make; Do we choose to surrender the pain, anguish and questions to God and allow Him to build something powerful in our lives? We are trying hard to do this.
But we miss you Talia so very much. We know you now have perfect health and are completely at peace with Jesus, but how can we live without you?
Thursday, September 24
Day 18
Today was very good, although little Talia is still having to put a lot of effort into breathing on her own.
The doctor has increased Talia's milk to 6ml every 3 hours and her digestive system appears to be working well, although she has quite a bloated tummy. Considering she was on 1.5ml for her early days, this is a great step, although nearby babies in the NICU are having 100ml or more!
For the first time today, both her grandmothers had a nurse of Talia today which they were thrilled about.
Talia is certainly beginning to show her personality - lots of looking around, funny faces and arm & leg movements. She seems to like sucking the little dummy and was able to swallow a little milk orally which is encouraging though we doubt they would consider removing the feeding tube. She is developing a strong cry and let us hear it several times today!
Thankyou for all of your prayers and your wonderful practical support. We are so blessed and are feeling much more prepared for the potentially tough times ahead - still praying for God to remove the Trisomy 18 altogether, since this is not His intented diagnosis for Talia.
Wednesday, September 23
Day 17
The breathing continues without any issues. I wish I was better at celebrating these things, but fortunately we have our supporters to yell and dance when God does good things!
Talia had no breathing problems overnight and Jan for once has a good surprise when she went in to the NICU this morning to find that Talia has been promoted from the critical section to the section for babies who are breathing on their own (mind you, it is confusing when you can't find your own baby!).
She has been putting more effort into the breathing, but hopefully this is simply due to her size and need to have more milk to build strength. The great news is there have been no Apneas occuring at all to this point - only some shallowness of breathing at times, which is quite normal.
Talia spent much of the day Kangaroo Cuddling with Jan again (skin to skin) which is wonderful, but she did sleep most of the day until Uncle Eric showed up and Talia decided to wake up somewhat. She is now having 4ml of milk every 3 hours, which is a lot for her - and she managed to poo twice today, which is very exciting.
This is more exciting than any normal situation, since it shows her digestive system is working correctly as this is an area of risk.
Even more brilliant was to see the nurse put some liquid on a cotton bud and see Talia sucking on it furiously. This means she has a sucking instinct - another area of previous concern!
Praise God - this has been a great day and we desire to see His Presence powerfully in the NICU - not just touching Talia's little body, but meeting the needs of the other babies also!
Talia had no breathing problems overnight and Jan for once has a good surprise when she went in to the NICU this morning to find that Talia has been promoted from the critical section to the section for babies who are breathing on their own (mind you, it is confusing when you can't find your own baby!).
She has been putting more effort into the breathing, but hopefully this is simply due to her size and need to have more milk to build strength. The great news is there have been no Apneas occuring at all to this point - only some shallowness of breathing at times, which is quite normal.
Talia spent much of the day Kangaroo Cuddling with Jan again (skin to skin) which is wonderful, but she did sleep most of the day until Uncle Eric showed up and Talia decided to wake up somewhat. She is now having 4ml of milk every 3 hours, which is a lot for her - and she managed to poo twice today, which is very exciting.
This is more exciting than any normal situation, since it shows her digestive system is working correctly as this is an area of risk.
Even more brilliant was to see the nurse put some liquid on a cotton bud and see Talia sucking on it furiously. This means she has a sucking instinct - another area of previous concern!
Praise God - this has been a great day and we desire to see His Presence powerfully in the NICU - not just touching Talia's little body, but meeting the needs of the other babies also!
Tuesday, September 22
Day 16 - Off the Ventilator
Talia was very grumpy this morning. She has gotten very sick and tired of the ventilator tubes down her throat (the doctor likened it to a garden hose down the throat of an adult!) and she was very pleased to hear that today the doctors were going to try and take the tube out.Jan and I arrived and spent some time with her, but it was clear that she was not going to be entirely happy until this change was made.
At 11.30am, Charles the Pediatrician came in to remove the tube and the nurses let Jan help to remove the tape from her face, which took a few minutes to clean up.
And then Talia was free of the ventilator tubes finally, which was a very exciting moment for all of us. It was very suprising to find out that the doctors intended Talia to breath completely on her own, with no CPAP or nasel prongs, etc.
Jan and I spent around 3.5 hours nursing her on our laps and there were no breathing issues at all. Talia was very comfortable and enjoying every moment. It was beautiful to see her little yawns and hear her little noises finally.Now, after nearly 6.5 hours, she has been fine with the breathing, so we are praying hard that this indicates the obstruction and central apnia issues may be gone. We are believing that she will be fine for the entire night.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers - we can certainly feel you upholding us and whilst the journey is long, this is an exciting step forward.God is good!
Monday, September 21
Day 15
We had a positive meeting today with the pediatricians and key people at the NICU, and they feel that Talia is now on negligable morphine and breathing support with the ventilator. The other drugs are not being used any more either and Talia is the most responsive we have seen her.
It would be great to stay like this for a while, but Talia is clearly annoyed by the tube in her throat and would like to see it gone. We pray that this tenacity will be applied to her breathing once the tube is removed, and this is now planned for tomorrow.
We are also aying that as part of the complete healing for Talia, God will allow her to cope brilliantly with being off the ventilator and will activate her brain to operate the breathing (and other areas) fully normally. We don't want to see the apnea (see http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/sleep/apnea.html) occuring frequently as previously and the doctors hope that she is now more able to cope.
Talia may have obstructions in her throat as well as the central problems and mid-morning tomorrow, we will see if she can cope on her own again. The heart issues are being put to one side at the moment, and we will concentrate on this key issue with her. She will be able to cry once again without the tube, which will be a pleasure to hear.
Thanks to God for His mercies and thanks to all who are speaking words of LIFE over little Talia.
It would be great to stay like this for a while, but Talia is clearly annoyed by the tube in her throat and would like to see it gone. We pray that this tenacity will be applied to her breathing once the tube is removed, and this is now planned for tomorrow.
We are also aying that as part of the complete healing for Talia, God will allow her to cope brilliantly with being off the ventilator and will activate her brain to operate the breathing (and other areas) fully normally. We don't want to see the apnea (see http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/sleep/apnea.html) occuring frequently as previously and the doctors hope that she is now more able to cope.
Talia may have obstructions in her throat as well as the central problems and mid-morning tomorrow, we will see if she can cope on her own again. The heart issues are being put to one side at the moment, and we will concentrate on this key issue with her. She will be able to cry once again without the tube, which will be a pleasure to hear.
Today we celebrated her two week old birthday (thanks to Alison and Jan's mum especially) with her receiving a special card and a lovely bracelet with her name. The nurses prepared a lovely card, dressed her for the first time and Talia looked lovely and responded strongly.
Thanks to God for His mercies and thanks to all who are speaking words of LIFE over little Talia.
Sunday, September 20
Day 14 - Repentance
There is a reason I didn’t post anything yesterday. I had nothing of value to share, because I fell apart!
In truth, I felt abandoned by God and overwhelmed by circumstances. So many difficulties have added to our journey and a sense of hopelessness overcame me as I tried to look forward. I was very angry at God, but this achieved nothing and so my anger turned inwards. Sadly, instead of supporting Jan, I drained her of faith and for all of this, I need to repent.
Today, God has begun to soften my heart and bring me back to Himself through a range of events.
Firstly, Talia is still stable and has been stable over the weekend, although medications and ventilator support is being reduced. She is becoming more responsive as a result and less happy with the tubes in her throat. The doctors are intending to remove the ventilator over the next few days and we will see how Talia responds and what issues this may bring. Clearly we want to see God bring about correct, stable breathing and then focus on the heart issues.
Over the weekend, we both had time for cuddling with Talia, but this was more complex since both Jan and I have caught colds and have been trying to ensure we don’t put Talia at risk (or the other babies in the NICU).
I want to share some of the things which God is allowing me to understand, since these are foundational to our journey:
It is inconsistent to understand that Jesus paid a price (His life) for healing and then believe it is NOT God’s intention to heal.
Can we say “God decided not to heal someone?”. Is it possible that God would actually cause sickness and disease to “teach us” something? How can God decide not to buy something that He has already paid for, since Jesus died for us to be saved, delivered and healed.
Would we expect God to turn us down if we ask for forgiveness? Most Christians have no difficulty in accepting the unconditional forgiveness God offers. Why then do we believe Jesus died only for our forgiveness and not for our sickness and disease, despite what the Bible says?
Why then is sickness not always healed? When Jesus was ministering, there was instances where additional persistence was required, especially in relation to His disciples. Even with what the disciples had seen and learned, they were sometimes unable to bring healing without further assistance from Jesus.
Why do we think that when we pray for healing and nothing happens, that it must be God’s will to not heal, even though this is against His nature? The answer is to persist and break through until it is no longer possible to do so. There is a level of warfare which we can only enter into based on our level of intimacy and worship to God.
Our pastor and friend, Steve Wyndham today shared a challenging message based on 2 Kings 6:14-17, which relates to the great prophet Elisha being attacked by the armies opposing Israel. His servant was terrified, but Elisha allowed him to see that God’s horses and chariots of fire were surrounding the armies.
The point is that we find it difficult to see what God is doing in challenging situations. We need God to open our eyes and allow us to see Him moving, to see His purposes and His resources – this applies in all situations.
By seeking intimacy and actively worshiping God, ESPECIALLY when there is no explanation for the circumstances we find ourselves in, we will achieve a breakthrough and develop a level of faith which pleases God.
I spent much of the weekend angry at God, because I had forgotten who He is. My need is to repent and get back into His arms, remembering that God is good all the time and His love and mercy never fails. God gave us each a will to respond to our situations and it is time for me to exercise my will to celebrate who God is, regardless of my circumstances.
In Luke 18:8, Jesus expressed His concern about the end days: “when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?"
We will persist! What life do you want to live?
In truth, I felt abandoned by God and overwhelmed by circumstances. So many difficulties have added to our journey and a sense of hopelessness overcame me as I tried to look forward. I was very angry at God, but this achieved nothing and so my anger turned inwards. Sadly, instead of supporting Jan, I drained her of faith and for all of this, I need to repent.
Today, God has begun to soften my heart and bring me back to Himself through a range of events.
Over the weekend, we both had time for cuddling with Talia, but this was more complex since both Jan and I have caught colds and have been trying to ensure we don’t put Talia at risk (or the other babies in the NICU).
It is inconsistent to understand that Jesus paid a price (His life) for healing and then believe it is NOT God’s intention to heal.
Can we say “God decided not to heal someone?”. Is it possible that God would actually cause sickness and disease to “teach us” something? How can God decide not to buy something that He has already paid for, since Jesus died for us to be saved, delivered and healed.
Would we expect God to turn us down if we ask for forgiveness? Most Christians have no difficulty in accepting the unconditional forgiveness God offers. Why then do we believe Jesus died only for our forgiveness and not for our sickness and disease, despite what the Bible says?
Why then is sickness not always healed? When Jesus was ministering, there was instances where additional persistence was required, especially in relation to His disciples. Even with what the disciples had seen and learned, they were sometimes unable to bring healing without further assistance from Jesus.
Why do we think that when we pray for healing and nothing happens, that it must be God’s will to not heal, even though this is against His nature? The answer is to persist and break through until it is no longer possible to do so. There is a level of warfare which we can only enter into based on our level of intimacy and worship to God.
Our pastor and friend, Steve Wyndham today shared a challenging message based on 2 Kings 6:14-17, which relates to the great prophet Elisha being attacked by the armies opposing Israel. His servant was terrified, but Elisha allowed him to see that God’s horses and chariots of fire were surrounding the armies.
The point is that we find it difficult to see what God is doing in challenging situations. We need God to open our eyes and allow us to see Him moving, to see His purposes and His resources – this applies in all situations.
By seeking intimacy and actively worshiping God, ESPECIALLY when there is no explanation for the circumstances we find ourselves in, we will achieve a breakthrough and develop a level of faith which pleases God.
I spent much of the weekend angry at God, because I had forgotten who He is. My need is to repent and get back into His arms, remembering that God is good all the time and His love and mercy never fails. God gave us each a will to respond to our situations and it is time for me to exercise my will to celebrate who God is, regardless of my circumstances.
In Luke 18:8, Jesus expressed His concern about the end days: “when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?"
We will persist! What life do you want to live?
Saturday, September 19
Day 12 - Clarification
We are certainly seeing some things happen, but they are more related to those who are praying and seeking God for Talia, than Talia herself.
Talia is stable and behaving much like other newborn babies who are struggling with various issues. The Mercy NICU has up to 50 babies at any one time who need help with breathing, including ventilators for periods of time, and whilst Talia has some additional complexities, most of the issues she is exhibiting are commonplace in the NICU.
Jan spent some wonderful time with Talia again today, and I am now just over my cold, so tomorrow I finally get to hold my baby again.
Talia is stable and behaving much like other newborn babies who are struggling with various issues. The Mercy NICU has up to 50 babies at any one time who need help with breathing, including ventilators for periods of time, and whilst Talia has some additional complexities, most of the issues she is exhibiting are commonplace in the NICU.
Talia is responsive and we are advised she is in no real discomfort, otherwise she would be clearly indicating this in various ways.
As the doctors reduce the breathing support and associated drugs, Talia will be able to cry again (we long to hear her cry!) instead of just screwing up her face to indicate she is annoyed with something!
Clearly we don't know what the future holds, but I feel prompted to make it very clear that we are desperately concerned about Talia's comfort level and are balancing this with our desire to see God move in her life.
Why do I share this again? I have chosen to publish all comments and not edit them (unless something offensive is posted) and I am responding to something which was raised in a comment yesterday and distressed both of us in what it suggested. There may well come a time in which Talia is clearly in distress and a very difficult decision will need to be made.
We hold fast to God's promises and the healing He offers, but should Talia not be healed, there are instances of Trisomy children who live fulfilling lives - how do we know? Search the web and you will find some of them who even share their stories personally. Should they have been terminated? Likewise should the 50 babies in Mercy NICU be allowed to succumb because they may need support from machines for a period? I am sure all of you have your own opinions, but we will openly state that we are proud with our decision to take Talia through to birth and give her the opportunity for life and healing. Indeed, we have and will continue to hand over the results to God, but we will do ANYTHING we can possibly do to influence the outcome, both from a physical and spiritual perspective.
Jan spent some wonderful time with Talia again today, and I am now just over my cold, so tomorrow I finally get to hold my baby again.The distractions come thick and fast to both us and those who are praying earnestly for Talia. Today Catherine had a bizzare incident in which she tried to save a child from injury in a playground (the mother was oblivious to the danger) and this resulted in her breaking her finger. This is an incredible distraction for her, as she will have difficulty now for 6 weeks!
Along with business and other serious complications in our own lives, it seems clear that there is great spiritial opposition to this move of God. I guess this is a good thing, since it would seem to indicate something is happening in the spiritual realm, but the pressure is intense and I wonder if we can tolerate it. I would even say not to join with us on this journey unless you are willing to deal with spiritual opposition.
Daniel 10:11-13 talks about prayer being heard immediately, but the response being delayed due to warfare in heavenly realms. It also says that "From the moment you decided to humble yourself to receive understanding, your prayer was heard, and I set out to come to you" - I pray that I would meet these criteria, since Jan and I are seeking understanding from God more than anything else.
Thursday, September 17
Day 11
Bill Johnson states that "Faith is required to tap into something which is not logical and outside of human capability. Only Faith can grab hold of a reality that we do not deserve".
We are now in a position of applying Faith alone in Talia's situation, and this struggle will continue through the journey of Talia's life. There is no obvious sign of healing at this stage, and yet God is calling us to hold on and persevere.
Talia's condition has not worsened, although she has struggled with a larger amount of food (milk). The doctors are trying various changes to reduce her dependency on machines, etc. The intent is to take her off the respirator in the next few days, but this could result in a range of complications related to her heart and breathing.
Jan spent some time today with Talia on her bare skin again, which was again such a joy to her and little Talia. It may take 10 minutes to set up, but it certainly is worthwhile.
A good friend encouraged us tonight that progress cannot be made without taking risks. I have never been afraid of risk, but when it concerns my baby daughter, this is a very different situation. Knowing that things are expected to change drastically in the next week or so is a fearful prospect, and we must take advantage of this time to hear from God.
If anyone wants to pray for us, please can you ask that we would hear clearly the voice of God and know what He would have us do in coming days. The Bible says that "Faith without works is dead" and I believe this is telling us that saying we have faith and not acting on it is meaningless. Faith is only relevant when the situation has no natural chance of occuring and so the worst case for us is that we will please God since "without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6)".
Thank you again for your wonderful, encouraging comments. It is a joy to know there are so many people holding Talia up in prayer.
We are now in a position of applying Faith alone in Talia's situation, and this struggle will continue through the journey of Talia's life. There is no obvious sign of healing at this stage, and yet God is calling us to hold on and persevere.
Talia's condition has not worsened, although she has struggled with a larger amount of food (milk). The doctors are trying various changes to reduce her dependency on machines, etc. The intent is to take her off the respirator in the next few days, but this could result in a range of complications related to her heart and breathing.
A good friend encouraged us tonight that progress cannot be made without taking risks. I have never been afraid of risk, but when it concerns my baby daughter, this is a very different situation. Knowing that things are expected to change drastically in the next week or so is a fearful prospect, and we must take advantage of this time to hear from God.
If anyone wants to pray for us, please can you ask that we would hear clearly the voice of God and know what He would have us do in coming days. The Bible says that "Faith without works is dead" and I believe this is telling us that saying we have faith and not acting on it is meaningless. Faith is only relevant when the situation has no natural chance of occuring and so the worst case for us is that we will please God since "without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6)".
Thank you again for your wonderful, encouraging comments. It is a joy to know there are so many people holding Talia up in prayer.
Wednesday, September 16
Day 10
Today was a quiet day, and I had to spend most of it away from the hospital since I have developed a sore throat and headache. I cannot risk Talia getting anything to add to her difficulties.
Jan is fine and so was able to spend some time this evening cuddling little Talia, which is great (no photos, however).
We had a meeting with some 7 of the doctors and nurses today to discuss moving forward as they are pleased Talia is stable and now want to start her down a path of improvement. Her food (milk) intake is being increased to 4ml every 3 hours and will continue to increase, since she is handling this well. Hopefully she will feed directly in the near future, since this is important to Jan.
The doctors have explained everything very well and we know that in the next couple of weeks, her heart condition will begin to be revealed and this is expected to take us to a point of having to make some difficult decisions. We are praying that God will intervene before we get to this point.
It has been a hard day with various criticism coming to us regarding our stance for healing. This adds to the challenge of applying our faith tremendously and I find it difficult to accept (in general, not just for Talia) that God wants us to pray for His will to be done and learn to accept the consequences.
Of course, I am reminded that Jesus prayed at Gethsemane prayed "yet not My will but Yours be done", but this was actually spoken with complete understanding of His Father's will and Jesus knew He had a choice - He could choose not to go through with the Cross, or He could do what He knew He was born to achieve in bringing eternal life and salvation to every man, woman and child.
When it comes to praying persistently, the bible is so clear that we have been given the mind of Christ and the authority to bring God's Kingdom to earth. Jesus made many references to persistence as being a good thing which would move God when applied in prayer.
Until God directs me otherwise, we will continue to persist for Talia's healing. I ask that each of you draw upon the reserves of faith which I know God has given you and stay with us on this journey, since this will change you in the process.
Thank you all for the amazing comments and support - it means so much to us!
Jan is fine and so was able to spend some time this evening cuddling little Talia, which is great (no photos, however).
We had a meeting with some 7 of the doctors and nurses today to discuss moving forward as they are pleased Talia is stable and now want to start her down a path of improvement. Her food (milk) intake is being increased to 4ml every 3 hours and will continue to increase, since she is handling this well. Hopefully she will feed directly in the near future, since this is important to Jan.
The doctors have explained everything very well and we know that in the next couple of weeks, her heart condition will begin to be revealed and this is expected to take us to a point of having to make some difficult decisions. We are praying that God will intervene before we get to this point.
It has been a hard day with various criticism coming to us regarding our stance for healing. This adds to the challenge of applying our faith tremendously and I find it difficult to accept (in general, not just for Talia) that God wants us to pray for His will to be done and learn to accept the consequences.
Of course, I am reminded that Jesus prayed at Gethsemane prayed "yet not My will but Yours be done", but this was actually spoken with complete understanding of His Father's will and Jesus knew He had a choice - He could choose not to go through with the Cross, or He could do what He knew He was born to achieve in bringing eternal life and salvation to every man, woman and child.
When it comes to praying persistently, the bible is so clear that we have been given the mind of Christ and the authority to bring God's Kingdom to earth. Jesus made many references to persistence as being a good thing which would move God when applied in prayer.
Until God directs me otherwise, we will continue to persist for Talia's healing. I ask that each of you draw upon the reserves of faith which I know God has given you and stay with us on this journey, since this will change you in the process.
Thank you all for the amazing comments and support - it means so much to us!
Tuesday, September 15
Day 9 - Stability and Hope
Today brought some hope to us, since Talia has been stable and comfortable now that the doctors have identified the appropriate balance of breathing support and positioning, etc.
Talia was extremely responsive today, and was looking all around her for a large part of the day. She clearly wanted to know who all the people were praying for her and most exciting was that she was able to spend 2 hours or so close to Jan out of the special crib. This was even more special since Talia was looking into Jan's eyes for much of this time, so a very special connection was formed.
Talia was extremely responsive today, and was looking all around her for a large part of the day. She clearly wanted to know who all the people were praying for her and most exciting was that she was able to spend 2 hours or so close to Jan out of the special crib. This was even more special since Talia was looking into Jan's eyes for much of this time, so a very special connection was formed.
The hospital staff are incredible and the love they have for all the babies is so evident. Most of they may struggle with understanding the hope we have, but it doesn't stop them loving our little girl.
During the night, whilst praying for Talia, I felt something strongly from a spiritual perspective. God prompted me with the need to begin to take authority over this situation and I began to pray for this Trisomy 18 to be destroyed in her body. We have been waiting for Talia to become stable and previously (even yesterday) I have not fully understood why this was so important.
Today this has become clear, and I sense that God wants us to be persistant in praying through Talia's healing miracle. It would be so easy to give up and accept what the medical world calls "inevitable", except that our God always has the final word on what will be and nothing is out of His control.
I believe that whilst it has been impossible to focus on this breakthrough in recent days, since we have been fighting for Talia's very life, we are now in a position of "resting" before God and this is the time to begin to take authority and petition God to move powerfully.
We fully intend to pursue God on Talia's behalf and just as Jesus taught in Luke 18:1-8, we believe God will respond since this request is within His will as revealed in His Word.
The sense of direction I felt from God last night was confirmed in a dream I had during the night, and again by others who independently felt the same direction to "take authority". We also had the privilege of two lovely ladies from Christian City Church (C3) coming to annoint Talia and pray for her, which happened whilst she was on Jan's lap - this was special and Talia seemed to respond strongly whilst being prayed for, looking at everyone as they prayed and even moving her head, which isn't ideal with the tubes!
A number of our "miracle team" organised a prayer meeting in the hospital chapel for Talia this evening, which was a time to seek God further for this breakthrough.
We so much look forward to God working in little Talia's life over coming days and what a joy it is to be a part of this journey, no matter how painful and challenging. So many lives changed already due to one little 9 day old girl...
Day 8 - Birthday Party
Today we celebrated Talia's being in this world for a full week and after a very difficult night, she finally settled down to a stable condition and is being fed milk once again.
So many people have fallen in love with our little girl, and it was wonderful for family and friends to express this to Jan and I and Talia. Her cousins and niece made her a very impressive card and she was wearing her new headband (from Robyn) to impress the nurses.
The road ahead is still very rocky. For much of the night and morning, Talia had some sort of event occuring every 15 minutes which caused her to work against the ventilator and her vital signs dropped seriously. Whilst the doctors don't know the cause, they have increased her morpheine level which has stopped this issue, however the result has been other problems causing discomfort (which have then been resolved). Due to the complexities of Trisomy 18, nobody really knows what will occur and the responses Talia will exhibit to various treatments.
I spent many hours during the night working through the issue of when is little Talia at a point in which her body cannot go on, given the problems we are seeing. Many would say Jan and I are being unfair in keeping our precious daughter alive under these conditions, however I can say with complete honesty that I have crossed the line now and my love for Talia is the most extreme love I have ever felt. I want nothing but the best for her and finally I can begin to understand the intense love that God the Father has for each one of us.
This was my cry as I spent many hours during the night with Talia, singing and praying with her and continuing to petition Jesus to touch her body and restore her to the way He created her. No, I don't believe God created Talia with Trisomy 18 in her body to be an example, or to teach us something, etc. I believe that God created her perfect and the influence of a broken and fallen world (of which I am a part!) has allowed sickness and disease to come into being. Jesus died to bring us life, salvation and healing and wants nothing more than for sickness to be removed from each of our lives.
So why is Talia still suffering with this condition? I cannot explain why God has not yet intervened, but this will NOT stop us asking him to remove this condition from her body. The only thing which can stop us is if she is taken away or gets to a point in which she is clearly suffering - even then, we will keep asking God to intervene, because we know with absolute certainty that He can bring about this miracle.
My simplistic perspective is that God can heal anything at any time, without the person's faith being an issue to Him. However, He seeks to partner with us and faith moves God to action. Genuine persistence brings about a response from God and this is what we desire.
So many people have fallen in love with our little girl, and it was wonderful for family and friends to express this to Jan and I and Talia. Her cousins and niece made her a very impressive card and she was wearing her new headband (from Robyn) to impress the nurses.
I spent many hours during the night working through the issue of when is little Talia at a point in which her body cannot go on, given the problems we are seeing. Many would say Jan and I are being unfair in keeping our precious daughter alive under these conditions, however I can say with complete honesty that I have crossed the line now and my love for Talia is the most extreme love I have ever felt. I want nothing but the best for her and finally I can begin to understand the intense love that God the Father has for each one of us.
This was my cry as I spent many hours during the night with Talia, singing and praying with her and continuing to petition Jesus to touch her body and restore her to the way He created her. No, I don't believe God created Talia with Trisomy 18 in her body to be an example, or to teach us something, etc. I believe that God created her perfect and the influence of a broken and fallen world (of which I am a part!) has allowed sickness and disease to come into being. Jesus died to bring us life, salvation and healing and wants nothing more than for sickness to be removed from each of our lives.
So why is Talia still suffering with this condition? I cannot explain why God has not yet intervened, but this will NOT stop us asking him to remove this condition from her body. The only thing which can stop us is if she is taken away or gets to a point in which she is clearly suffering - even then, we will keep asking God to intervene, because we know with absolute certainty that He can bring about this miracle.
My simplistic perspective is that God can heal anything at any time, without the person's faith being an issue to Him. However, He seeks to partner with us and faith moves God to action. Genuine persistence brings about a response from God and this is what we desire.
We love this little girl so much and sitting with her, just holding her beatiful little foot (as I love to do) is enough for now.
Sunday, September 13
Day 7 - Faith Tested to Extremes
Can you imagine watching helplessly while your child almost suffocates to death, unable to do anything but cry out to God in anguish. This was Jan and I tonight on two occassions so far - it will be a long, long night!
Talia had some episodes in the previous night with blood in her lungs, and they have now managed to change the settings on the ventilator to equalise the pressure somewhat (reducing the risk of bleeding, which is related to the heart condition), however it seems that the blood remaining in her lungs is blocking the ventilator regularly until it clears out.
Would Talia be best left to suffer breathing or heart failure without resucitation, since her body is struggling to cope with the difficulties of breathing, etc? Should she undergo a heart operation which will alleviate some of the problems but not solve them? The risks are high and we hate to see our precious baby in any pain or discomfort - how can we know what choices to make?
This is the time to hear from God clearly if there ever was a time.
Catherine's 2 year old daughter, Poppy was smuggled into the NICU and desperately wanted to pray for Talia, which was an amazing blessing to us.
The pure faith of a child is beautiful, since they understand the love of their parents and of Jesus who loves them even more. The trust that Jesus will look after Talia and the expectation of His healing power was a great example to us.
I spent much of the night praying with Talia and singing to her. She is peaceful again and tomorrow I hear that our "miracle team" want to recognise her first week with a birthday celebration. I'm not so good at celebration, so this is another blessing to us in having such friends and family. Yesterday we were all able to cry together and tomorrow we will look at the joy little Talia is bringing to so many!
Talia had some episodes in the previous night with blood in her lungs, and they have now managed to change the settings on the ventilator to equalise the pressure somewhat (reducing the risk of bleeding, which is related to the heart condition), however it seems that the blood remaining in her lungs is blocking the ventilator regularly until it clears out.
It would be easy if this was the main problem, but it is merely a symptom of the condition and the bigger decisions now come closer to us. Who are we to make life and death decisions for another human being, and yet we are required to do so.
Would Talia be best left to suffer breathing or heart failure without resucitation, since her body is struggling to cope with the difficulties of breathing, etc? Should she undergo a heart operation which will alleviate some of the problems but not solve them? The risks are high and we hate to see our precious baby in any pain or discomfort - how can we know what choices to make?This is the time to hear from God clearly if there ever was a time.
Today also contained a number of joyful moments. There was time for Jan to hold Talia for a couple of hours on her lap which was very moving.
The pure faith of a child is beautiful, since they understand the love of their parents and of Jesus who loves them even more. The trust that Jesus will look after Talia and the expectation of His healing power was a great example to us.
I spent much of the night praying with Talia and singing to her. She is peaceful again and tomorrow I hear that our "miracle team" want to recognise her first week with a birthday celebration. I'm not so good at celebration, so this is another blessing to us in having such friends and family. Yesterday we were all able to cry together and tomorrow we will look at the joy little Talia is bringing to so many!
Saturday, September 12
Day 6 - Continued
Minutes after I posted the previous information, we received another call from the hospital to let us know Talia had been stopping breathing a great deal and was now being put on a ventilator to do all the breathing for her. This was devastating to Jan (and I) and we raced to the hospital as quickly as possible, as if we could do anything anyway!
Carman's song was in my head as God continued to tell me to "trust in Him, though our prayers have yet to show". We certainly had no option and we fought all the way to give this situation to the Lord. These words upheld me through the entire day.
Little Talia was peaceful and comfortable and again we learned that despite our fears, it may well have been that she simply needed to rest since her little lungs were still learning how to work properly.
The consultant in NICU (which is Neo-natel Intensive Care Unit - our home for the next few months!) advised that the breathing issues may be due to infection, but may also be due to Talia's brain not being able to manage her respiratory system. If the latter was the case, she may be on a respirator for the rest of her life - this news was heartbreaking to Jan especially.
Having sent an SMS to some people, it seemed that our "miracle team" was on the case and we almost immediately had around 10 people close at hand in the NICU. We went into the chapel at the hospital and began to cry out (literally) to the Lord to release His healing on Talia - I believe the Bible teaches that Christians are given the authority to release God's power on this earth and have the incredible joy of partnering with Jesus through His Holy Spirit. Still a lot to learn and understand and hearing God is just so difficult through this pain.
Our dear friends are so close to our little Talia now. We are bonded as family through this little girl and many tears were shed on her behalf today. She is now very comfortable and we are praying earnestly that the breathing is NOT related to her brain, but from a much simpler cause.
Tomorrow perhaps we can cuddle out little treasure again?
Carman's song was in my head as God continued to tell me to "trust in Him, though our prayers have yet to show". We certainly had no option and we fought all the way to give this situation to the Lord. These words upheld me through the entire day.
Little Talia was peaceful and comfortable and again we learned that despite our fears, it may well have been that she simply needed to rest since her little lungs were still learning how to work properly.
The consultant in NICU (which is Neo-natel Intensive Care Unit - our home for the next few months!) advised that the breathing issues may be due to infection, but may also be due to Talia's brain not being able to manage her respiratory system. If the latter was the case, she may be on a respirator for the rest of her life - this news was heartbreaking to Jan especially.
Having sent an SMS to some people, it seemed that our "miracle team" was on the case and we almost immediately had around 10 people close at hand in the NICU. We went into the chapel at the hospital and began to cry out (literally) to the Lord to release His healing on Talia - I believe the Bible teaches that Christians are given the authority to release God's power on this earth and have the incredible joy of partnering with Jesus through His Holy Spirit. Still a lot to learn and understand and hearing God is just so difficult through this pain.
Our dear friends are so close to our little Talia now. We are bonded as family through this little girl and many tears were shed on her behalf today. She is now very comfortable and we are praying earnestly that the breathing is NOT related to her brain, but from a much simpler cause.
Tomorrow perhaps we can cuddle out little treasure again?
Blessings to a beautiful family!
You are an amazing family: Jeremy, Jan and Talia! Know that we are standing with you all the way and will never give up. Our God is awesome and He is faithful. We speak blessing and life to you all.
What can I do to help?
Hi my name is Catherine. I am a friend of Jeremy and Jan and of course Talia,
If your reading this then you know and understand the helplessness that I feel. We all feel helpless and we wonder what we can do to help. I want you to know there is something we can all do. It will require something from you. It is something that can't be bought.....it can only been given from the heart. This is the recipe for it :
Miracle Working prayer
A lot of love - add as needed
A heart of compassion
Large amounts of faith - the type that pleases God
Spoonfuls of hope
Dollops of peace
Add thanksgiving liberally
Mix all ingredients without ceasing
Bake in the oven of perserverance at 200 degrees for as long as it takes
This is one of many recipes that cooks miracles.
I encourage you to pray for this family. Make your own recipe.
Love to this family....from the Warrens
If your reading this then you know and understand the helplessness that I feel. We all feel helpless and we wonder what we can do to help. I want you to know there is something we can all do. It will require something from you. It is something that can't be bought.....it can only been given from the heart. This is the recipe for it :
Miracle Working prayer
A lot of love - add as needed
A heart of compassion
Large amounts of faith - the type that pleases God
Spoonfuls of hope
Dollops of peace
Add thanksgiving liberally
Mix all ingredients without ceasing
Bake in the oven of perserverance at 200 degrees for as long as it takes
This is one of many recipes that cooks miracles.
I encourage you to pray for this family. Make your own recipe.
Love to this family....from the Warrens
Day 6
We have been told that Talia has had a difficult night and stopped breathing many times (meaning they had to manually stimulate her to breath). They think maybe she has an infection which may be causing this and we hope this is the case - that can be fixed!
I can't get the Carman song "Saved, Delivered and Healed" out of my head today. God is saying something very strongly to us and hence I have added this song to the site (should be playing now!). These are the lyrics as they mean so much to me in our situation and for little Talia:
I will add news when we get to the hospital...
I can't get the Carman song "Saved, Delivered and Healed" out of my head today. God is saying something very strongly to us and hence I have added this song to the site (should be playing now!). These are the lyrics as they mean so much to me in our situation and for little Talia:
God’s love for you goes on and on,
When other hearts have failed;
This love forgave from Calvary’s cross,
Where that love was nailed.
But you must believe, He wants the best for you,
Though your prayers have yet to show;
Let your heart be strong, and your faith arise,
As I give you what I know:
Well, I know there’s a God in heaven,
Who saves, Who delivers and heals;
For He gave His Son, the Lamb of God,
The Savior, the scripture reveals.
Set aside all the doubts, set aside all the questions,
And hold fast to that which is real;
God’s word does not sway, that’s why still today,
I’m standing, saved, delivered and healed.
Night and day He thinks of you,
He hurts to see you crying;
He wants for you, and He hopes for you,
You’re always on His mind.
So trust His heart, and lean on Him,
And let the Father lead the way;
Many things of God I still don’t know,
But through the years I’ve learned to say:
That I know there’s a God in heaven,
And He saves, He delivers and heals;
For He gave His Son, O the Lamb of God,
The Savior, the scripture reveals.
And set aside all the doubts, set aside all the questions,
And hold fast to that which is real;
God’s word does not sway, that’s why still today,
I’m standing, saved, delivered and healed.
I will add news when we get to the hospital...
Day 5 - Jan leaving the hospital
Today was the biggest challenge yet. Jan came home from hospital and this must have been an extremely sad and difficult part of the journey for her, to leave without our baby. I managed to hide many of the baby things in the house to try and ease the pain, but it was so sad for her.
It didn't help that I was at a business meeting and Jan didn't have a key to the house when she did get home! Luckily her family was with her and I was able to come home quickly and assist. It is so difficult to balance our lives at the moment.
After being home for just half an hour, Jan was called by NICU to say that Talia had been stopping breathing every hour or so and was now on the CPAP again. Jan was very concerned and we went straight back to the hospital again.
It's strange how something terrible can actually end up being good news! We were pleased to understand that Talia being on the "nasel prongs" for 18 hours was an unexpectedly good outcome and it is very typical for newborns with any breathing issues to go back onto CPAP regularly to help them relax as they learn to use their lungs for the first time (of course, they don't use them inside the womb). In other words, Talia would go back onto CPAP for a period of time and then hopefully would be able to cope with "nasel prongs"' for a longer period. This was good!
The afternoon/evening spent with Talia today was the best time yet. She is now becoming responsive and moving her arms with some force and confidence. She is trying to grab things and now (finally!) opening her eyes - actually just one for the moment - and looking around at things with some degree of curiousity. She is also crying loudly for the first time and when mummy holds her, she is settling down well. This is just such an exciting time, and yet we know there is an expectation that her heart will begin to have serious issues in just a few days.
Still holding on to God as we pray with friends over her little body. Only God can bring about the outcome which will give life to Talia.
It didn't help that I was at a business meeting and Jan didn't have a key to the house when she did get home! Luckily her family was with her and I was able to come home quickly and assist. It is so difficult to balance our lives at the moment.
After being home for just half an hour, Jan was called by NICU to say that Talia had been stopping breathing every hour or so and was now on the CPAP again. Jan was very concerned and we went straight back to the hospital again.
It's strange how something terrible can actually end up being good news! We were pleased to understand that Talia being on the "nasel prongs" for 18 hours was an unexpectedly good outcome and it is very typical for newborns with any breathing issues to go back onto CPAP regularly to help them relax as they learn to use their lungs for the first time (of course, they don't use them inside the womb). In other words, Talia would go back onto CPAP for a period of time and then hopefully would be able to cope with "nasel prongs"' for a longer period. This was good!
The afternoon/evening spent with Talia today was the best time yet. She is now becoming responsive and moving her arms with some force and confidence. She is trying to grab things and now (finally!) opening her eyes - actually just one for the moment - and looking around at things with some degree of curiousity. She is also crying loudly for the first time and when mummy holds her, she is settling down well. This is just such an exciting time, and yet we know there is an expectation that her heart will begin to have serious issues in just a few days.
Still holding on to God as we pray with friends over her little body. Only God can bring about the outcome which will give life to Talia.
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